I really thought i would get more happy, possitive posts in before delving into the oddity that is me… but i guess not. Such is my life 😉
This post is being entirely done through my phone app which doesnt have spell check. So keep that in mind 😉
Todays subject matter will probably seem grim to most but it is a subject i am quite familiar with. More familiar than i think i should be. It is death.
Probably the best way to explain how i came to this subject today i to start from the begining. It will be brief tho, as i am sure i will go into details of the begining at a later time. They are quite facinating stories all on the own and require posts in their own right, but considering the situation of today i feel it necesary to at least give a basic background.
First off… I have had 4 deaths.
1. Drowned in a pool when i was about 13.
2. Suicide at about the age 15. Ill just leave it at that.
3. Involuntry drug overdose at about the age of 17.
4. Violent crime (carjacking) at the age of 20. Had my throat slit from on side to the other and was left for dead on the side of a road.
The last one of course was the most traumatic. It also changed me. Completely.
Second of all… all of my life i have had encounters with death. I have had dreams, nightmares, and (for lack of a better word) visions. This has happened both before and after a death. I have a feeling it would be a long story if i went into more detail, so i will stop there with that.
Lastly, i tend to be what has been called empathic. I feel, literally, what others are feeling. Comes in handy when someone is lying, not so much when someone is in pain. I’ve also been through just about everything, so in that way i know what someones going through. Between the two of those things alone, things get complicated.
With that said, back to the subject at hand. I know that at times it is a necesary evil. I have watched illness destroy people from the inside out, and when their death finally did come, it was actually a good thing. It is the nature of the beast, it is the never ending cycle, it is the one thing that will happen to every person. Needless to say… i get a little wierd (as a friend of mine puts it) around death. The dreams, the visions, and all the grief gets to be a bit much. I deal with it the best i can. Seperation. Distance. People dont always take what i have to say well and i can tend to be too blunt and honest for most people to take.
Recently too many people have passed away. My husband aunt, my aunt, my coworker, my husband uncle, and my husbands friends wife. Not to mention a driver at my husbands work, an aquantence of mines infant child, and a friends relative. Too much death, too close to home, in too little of time. And i know there has been at least 1 fatality car accident that i have driven by on my way home from work on the last few months. My aunt and my coworker (who i was actually close to at one point) both passed away on the same sunday.
Its just that death seems to be very prominent recently. Ive had arguements & discussion. Other people have mentioned for one reason or another. And then theres my dreams.
Yeah… well… my aunt that i am very close to called me this morning to let me know that her husband is in ICU and that her mother (my grandmother) is having a surgery today and that she is considered high risk. So… its been one of those days. I feel as if i am waiting for the other shoe to drop… again. Sigh….
I will be at the hospital later on. Ot just bothers me and i needed to write. I could continue rambling but thoughts are starting to kinda mush together.