Monthly Archives: July 2012

Curtains….foiled again!

As I’ve mentioned, our eldest and his family are in town for a visit.
While sitting around my mother-in-laws on Sunday after our family lunch, I pulled out my handy-dandy camera phone and proceeded to try to get some better pictures of the grandkids than the ones I had gotten the other day. The 9 month old does anything but smile when I take her picture or moves every time I hit the button. I actually have one really good picture of the eldest, who is 3, but that is for another post and it’s just one. But…back to this story

Corbin, the 3-year-old, has been quite shy most of his life so far, and the distance between the states most of the time doesn’t help matters much either. His and my relationship has been an interesting one.
Having raised one very shy child myself I take absolutely no offence, and definitely do not take it personally, when it comes time for hugs and kisses and he high tails it any direction that is away from me. My daughter-in-law felt quite bad. I myself, turned it into a game.
You don’t want to willingly give me a hug? Well than I guess the tickle monster will have to tickle one out of you. After the chasing him down and tickling him, the tickle monster then swoops him up in her arms and grandma gets her hug.
After a few times of that he warmed up quite well, but as with everything, there is a price. Now, anytime I ask for a hug he takes off running from me to hide while laughing the entire way.
We have gone from the tickle monster, to the hug monster, to the hang you upside down monster. Any hugs I want are always a chase, with wonderful child laughter, that ends with me getting my hug, while he has a smile on his face the entire time.
So… as I pulled out my camera and said that I needed to get more pictures, Corbin proceeded to squeal and take off running for the curtains, laughing the entire way.
As usual, I made the best of it and attempted getting pictures anyway as he hid in the curtains, his child laughter being music to my ears, while trying to foil my plans of a good picture.
But…. I find these pictures amazing all the more just because of the joy I experienced in taking them. After all, this is where wonderful memories that will forever be cherished come from.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Joys of Life, Just for fun

Wonderfull distractions

image

This week I have a new distraction from my blog. One of our Navy boys is on leave and is in town visiting us…. with the grandkids. Today I am feeling a bit elderly. I have sore muscles from playing with the 3-year-old. Muscles that I didn’t realize how much I wasnt using them. I have not forgotten how much work children are, I just didn’t think my body had. I must have flipped him upside down at least 20 times and still he said… again, again, again! Thankfully I remembered exactly how much fun a plain old cardboard box could be.

We recently had our hot water heater replaced and my husband had asked them to leave the box. He figured Id find the long pieces of cardboard useful for one of my creative projects. Well it was definitely useful. Our youngest, who is now taller than 3 of his 4 brothers, proceeded to put my grandson in the box and push him all around the house in it. He absolutely had a blast. “Help… I stuck” he would say. His uncle would tip the box so you could just reach his hand to rescue him. Then by some stoke of luck he would miss your hand and slide down the inside of the box with a dramatic arrival to the bottom, which would then end in that wonderful child laughter emanating from within the box. His uncle also had it tipped at one point so that they used it as a slide. He would slide to the bottom and then turn around and climb back up. I am extraordinarily happy to find that at least one of my boys has the right frame of mind to know that although making an open cardboard slide on the staircase that curved with the stairs would be really awesome, it would be entirely unsafe for a 3-year-old. In my head I was jumping for joy when he told me that.

Sometimes our children not only listen and learn from us, but also from others. As they laugh at the stupid but funny things their siblings or peers do, mentally they are filling that whole event into the section of their brain that is labeled ‘what NOT to do’.

Children will never cease to amaze you.

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Things that go bump in the night

Un otage nommé Bumpy

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was an odd child. Big surprise? Yeah… I didn’t think so. There was a lot of stuff that I did, heard, and saw when I was a child that most children don’t see, do, or hear. I myself thought it was normal, up until I told a friend about something I did and she looked at me as if I was nuts.
‘Don’t you do that?’.
‘No. No one does that. You can’t do that.’
Oh.
That was the last time, as a child, I ever discussed it with anyone. I was old enough to realize that when someone looks at you like that when you tell them something, you don’t repeat what you said to get that look. Ever. I didn’t have many friends and I didn’t want to risk loosing any of them, so I didn’t ever tell anyone else. As I got older I have limited who, where, and when I discuss it.
What was it I did?
Hhmmm, what didn’t I do?
Well… Here’s one of them….

Like most of us, when I was little I was afraid of the dark. There are scary and dangerous things in the dark, or at least there could be scary and dangerous things in the dark. Quite a few of those things I have come across or met, but that didn’t really happen until later in life. When I was still quite young, around the age of 7, the things in the dark were actually quite nice.
When I went to bed one night and proceeded to cry myself asleep , I heard voices. They were soothing, calming voices. They told me that there was nothing in my house or room that would harm me. That there was nothing to be afraid of. I was safe. I could see their faces but only as images in my head. A wispy, blueish light like what you might imagine a ghost would look like.

They did their best to calm and comfort me, and to help me to not be so afraid of the dark. They told me something that I would never forget and that would ultimately save my life at a later point in time. What they said was this…
If someone did come into the house who meant you harm, and they opened the door to your room to look for you, where would be the best place be for you to be? In the darkest part of your room. They explained to me that if I was in the darkest part then I would be able to see them, but they would not be able to see me.
After thinking on that, I scooted myself over to the darkest part of my bed and allowed myself some breathing room. I thought I was safer, so I felt safer. I was so busy crying and getting myself worked up into such a level of anxiety that after I relaxed and calmed down, I realized that I had been talking to someone who wasn’t actually there.

Uh, wait a minute… there’s no one here… did I just imagine that? I must have imagined that. Now, I did, and still do have quite a vivid imagination at times. I also have extraordinarily vivid dreams and nightmares, but I was not asleep yet so it wasn’t a dream or a nightmare. Being the adult that I am now I would also like to mention that in my opinion, to think that conversation entirely up on my own would have shown me to be much wiser in my years that I actually was and I do not believe that to be the case.

As I lay there in my calmer state, I wondered who I was talking to and what was going on. At the time, I was pretty sure that if you didn’t see it, it didn’t exist… and I stated as much. Out loud. That in turn led to another discussion. They do exist and they are here to help and protect me. Hhmm, yeah… ok. What scared child, in the dark, in the middle of the night wouldn’t want to hear that? okay, fine. If you’re real… prove it.

There is a car that is going to drive down your street in 3, 2, 1… a car drove by.

Your parents are going to bed… I heard my parents in the hall going to their room, which was right across from mine, and shut the door.

You’re mom forgot something…. I heard my mom go out of her room, pad down to the kitchen, I heard a noise at the kitchen sink, then I heard her go back to her room and shut the door.

The toilet is going to flush…. the toilet flushes.

Your brother is going to cough… he did.

The neighbors dogs are going to start barking…. they did.

There will be a siren on the other street go by…. I heard an ambulance siren.

 

Hhmmm… okay, but maybe that was just luck. That doesn’t really prove anything.

The next thing that happened did prove something. It was also what made the entire event stick in my memory and why I remember what they told me about being safe in the dark. It may still have been my young imagination, and oh boy what a great imagination I had if that is the case, but… it did what it was supposed to do. Get my attention, teach me, and get me to remember that very important conversation.

 

Look in the corner of your room across from you. There will be a light. It will be a small light…..I saw a small blue light. A dot really

Do you see it getting brighter….. I did.

Now it will get bigger but it will not be so bright… it did.

It will sparkle like glitter… It did.

As this dim but glittery light became bigger and dispersed throughout my room I felt warmth and at ease. I felt safe. I felt protected. From then on, anytime I started to get afraid of the dark I would remember that conversation and feel stronger. Stronger in the fact that I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was and that I had nothing to be afraid of. I did not need to fear the unknown just because it was unknown. Things will go bump in the night but there is usually an explanation, and there is usually a reason. There is enough in this world to fear without causing your own fear over something we are only imagining. Do not let your own fear conquer you. Sometimes the best place for you to be is where your own fear is keeping you from going.

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Filed under My life as I know it

The Crazy Ones

I love it!

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Polls open…. vote now!

Since I am obviously not going to start a personal background story this evening, I figured I may as well put this out there and see if I get any feedback. You see…. im kinda stuck. I wanted to try to do this chronologically, but I am unsure if I should give personal background first or just jump right in with one of my life stories. So I would like to ask your opinion on what you would like to read (know). There are many choices, which is why I am stuck, and I am not even sure how to categorize them into choices but I will give it a shot.

Hhmmm… maybe divide it up into subject matter?
Paranormal: ghosts, spiritual, dreams, and all around oddities from childhood on up. Feel free to pick a time section, as in childhood, teen, adult.
Death (yes, mine. This also may involve paranormal): Drowning, involuntary drug overdose, carjacking. Yes, I left suicide out since that needs much more background info.
Normal life: this is all the other stuff that i am not exact sure how to divide up. And that would be rape, drugs, family, financial, children, and just about everything else.

I know I have not divided them up very well but there is a lot that intertwines and there are so many stories. I have not been through  everything, but there is so much that I have been through… and then there the empathic bit im struggling with now that even if it’s not me, I know exactly what it feels like.

No, this is not going to be a ‘poor me’ story or a depressing blog. It is meant to be informative and helpful to any who read it, and to me. Each one of the things that have happened to me, happened for a reason. Some of them I know why, some of them I don’t. Either way, I am quite skilled at seeing it from a different angle and taking the lessons out of them.

No matter what, it will be interesting…. that’s just how my life has been. Every day is an event and every day has meaning, sometimes you just have to know to look for it.

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Filed under My life as I know it

and the fortune cookie says….

Photo of an open fortune cookie

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had a fortune cookie yesterday and it said…

You will be fortunate in the opportunities presented to you.

Now…. all I need is for the opportunities to present themselves AND the capability to recognize when they do .

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Filed under Just for fun

When I grow up

 

When you’re young, you always get asked the question “what do you want to be when you grow up”, and it tends to be a question that comes up a lot. A whole lot. Then you get the question given to you in essay form and you’re to write a report… at least I did.
Needless to say, I failed that report. You see, I had no answer. There was not one specific thing I wanted to do when I grew up.
I am good at analyzing people. Knowing their problems at the root, helping them see things at a different angle, helping them through their difficult times. A career path in psychology was a possibility up until I learned that it would require at least 4 years in college. Uh… No thanks.
Then there was the subject of money. What if I went to school, earned (paid) for a degree and then didn’t like my career path of choice. To me, that would just be a waste of quite a bit of money.

There was just not one thing I could find that I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted more. I wanted to do all of them. I wanted to do everything and anything, not just ONE thing. Problem is… I still do.

Okay, okay… that’s not the actual problem. There is definitely nothing wrong with wanted to do as much as you possibly can with your life, the problem is the actual capability of doing so. It’s more the ‘how to’ that’s a problem for me. Okay, and still a bit of the ‘what’ to do is a problem. I have narrowed it down though.

Singing, acting, modeling, and dancing are out. Too old and a very huge case of stage fright. Not to mention the fact that I am definitely not involved in the correct social circles for that. Honestly, I’m not in any social circle.
Anything requiring a multiple year of college degree is out. Problems with funds, time, and varying interests still raise their ugly head when it comes to 4 year college. It’s just not what I was made for.

I am creative and I do have good ideas but I am horrible at sales, especially when dealing with myself and my work. I just don’t know how. Again, there is the issue of funds but I always seem to be able to work with what I have and what I can afford. If I ever have unlimited funds to make my Halloween costume it will probably be the best price of clothing I’ve ever made. I still dream of the day a can make a Moulin Rouge/Burlesque style outfit with whatever I want instead of what I can get my hands on. The ability to find actual designs and detailed pictures of other grand costumes instead of the cheap costume shop pictures would be helpful too.

It’s just that I want to create, I want to help people, and I want to brighten people’s day. I have never taken money over happiness but now that I’ve struggle through and have gotten to a good place emotionally and family wise, I want to be there financially also. I want to receive along with give. I want to inspire, and dream, and live without having my pocketbook suffer.
I have sold things I’ve created (like those pictures) to people I know, but that’s about it. Just about everything I’ve made has sold, I just happen to have my stuff reasonably priced. In others words…cheap. I can’t always help it. There’s just something about the light in people’s faces when they see what I’ve created for them that you just can’t put a price tag on. If I could just light up the faces of people in a higher pay grade than me, I just may be in business.

Here is my final realization… Almost all of my children are grown and I have a husband who will support me in whatever avenue I choose, but now that its time for me….. and I don’t know what to do or how to do it.
After reading a few of my posts, my husband told me I should be a motivational speaker. I find that hilarious but so is a person who is antisocial wanting to help people. If my posts end up motivational for people, great. Then I just have to figure out how to get hundreds or thousands of people to read them.
Maybe there’s something to this writing thing, maybe not…. But its something I haven’t tried and it’s a start I guess. I know I won’t be the best, but can I be good enough? As much as I would love to quit my day job if I was great, good enough would be good enough for me.
I know I lack focus, direction, a plot, and even a starting point really, though I’m pretty sure I can think of a chapter or maybe even a scene. But do I start with a fantasy story from dreams or imagination, should I take a piece of my actual experiences and turn it into fiction, do I write a fiction book with a lot of my experiences, or do I maybe go for a motivational type book? Probably not the latter since I really have no leg to stand on other than my life. **I think partially to start I need to continue on with my life stories here, which i should be getting to after this post and maybe one other very short one** And there’s probability of disappointment and rejection along the way but…. I think I can handle it. The worst that will happen is I get told no, right?

And what timing this is…. 3 months before my 40th birthday. HaHaHa! wait, would this be considered a mid-life crisis?

Feel free to give your two cents, or thoughts, or opinions, or suggestions, or ideas. Questions, comments, concerns?

 

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Filed under Just rambling along, My life as I know it

Storybook pictures and dreams

These are the pictures I did for my grandkids. They will be getting them when they are here to visit in about a week and I finally got some good pictures of them.

I love books, stories and fairy tales. This storybook series of pictures I’ve been doing reminds me that our lives are just another story, in another life, with multitudes of possibilities. You never know which day will stand out the most or who will come to your rescue (or who you will rescue). It’s a reminder that wishes and dreams do come true, sometimes you have to tilt your head a little bit to get a better view, sometimes it’s blindingly obvious.

As a child, I always wanted to be the princess, damsel, or butt kicking heroine in the fairytale books. As an adult, I realise that I have been and still am. My life, as well as anyones, is a story. We just have to remember to continue shaping and changing the story for the happily ever after that we want.

 

I really would have liked the Treasure Island part (top left) to have been a little darker but…. that’s how the paper was and I didn’t want to try to ‘fix it’ only to mess it up. It’s not as light up close and personal so I left it as it is.

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Filed under My creative whims

Reflection of an Az sunset

Its monsoon season here in Arizona. The time when we get our yearly rain allowance, the time when it’s no longer a dry heat, the time when you can see some pretty amazing scenery.

I am not much of a photographer, all i have is my phone, and I tend to have difficulty actually capturing in a picture what I see in person. And then theres the fact that I rarely remember to take a picture of said scenery. But…. I did try

I have a few pictures I snapped while in my backyard. The sun was setting in the west and reflecting its beautiful colors onto the clouds to the east of them and this is what I managed to get. By the time I had gone to the front of the house to try to get some pictures from that direction, the sun was down so far that all the reds, pinks, and oranges in the clouds were gone.

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Filed under Just for fun

Life Is Good

Currently I have a pinched nerve in my back that is killing my arm and my digestive system is being difficult yet again, but….. I am otherwise healthy and alive. For that I am thankful.

As far as money is concerned I am broke, but… my rent is paid, my lights are on, my air conditioner works, and my kids are fed. For that I am grateful.

There never seems to be enough time for the things on my ‘to do’ list, but…. I have fulfilled my deadlines, rescheduled a thing or two to not only my benefit but others as well, was able to stretch my downtime to relax more, and was able to get a post in. For that I am satisfied.

My children have defied, angered, or ignored me yet again, but…. they have each done at least one tremendous good for me, themselves, or others and it has shown how much they have learned, grown, and actually were listening to me. For that I am proud.

No, things are not as well as I would like them to be but…. the are better than they have been and significantly greater than they could be. For that I am blessed.

Sitting within the shadows can limit your views to the dark spots that are there, but…. sometimes you need to step out of the shadows in order to see all the bright spots and feel the warmth that is already there. Then you may see that for this moment, which is the only moment that matters right now, and it is a moment that will never come again…. life is good.

 

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