When I grow up


When you’re young, you always get asked the question “what do you want to be when you grow up”, and it tends to be a question that comes up a lot. A whole lot. Then you get the question given to you in essay form and you’re to write a report… at least I did.
Needless to say, I failed that report. You see, I had no answer. There was not one specific thing I wanted to do when I grew up.
I am good at analyzing people. Knowing their problems at the root, helping them see things at a different angle, helping them through their difficult times. A career path in psychology was a possibility up until I learned that it would require at least 4 years in college. Uh… No thanks.
Then there was the subject of money. What if I went to school, earned (paid) for a degree and then didn’t like my career path of choice. To me, that would just be a waste of quite a bit of money.

There was just not one thing I could find that I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted more. I wanted to do all of them. I wanted to do everything and anything, not just ONE thing. Problem is… I still do.

Okay, okay… that’s not the actual problem. There is definitely nothing wrong with wanted to do as much as you possibly can with your life, the problem is the actual capability of doing so. It’s more the ‘how to’ that’s a problem for me. Okay, and still a bit of the ‘what’ to do is a problem. I have narrowed it down though.

Singing, acting, modeling, and dancing are out. Too old and a very huge case of stage fright. Not to mention the fact that I am definitely not involved in the correct social circles for that. Honestly, I’m not in any social circle.
Anything requiring a multiple year of college degree is out. Problems with funds, time, and varying interests still raise their ugly head when it comes to 4 year college. It’s just not what I was made for.

I am creative and I do have good ideas but I am horrible at sales, especially when dealing with myself and my work. I just don’t know how. Again, there is the issue of funds but I always seem to be able to work with what I have and what I can afford. If I ever have unlimited funds to make my Halloween costume it will probably be the best price of clothing I’ve ever made. I still dream of the day a can make a Moulin Rouge/Burlesque style outfit with whatever I want instead of what I can get my hands on. The ability to find actual designs and detailed pictures of other grand costumes instead of the cheap costume shop pictures would be helpful too.

It’s just that I want to create, I want to help people, and I want to brighten people’s day. I have never taken money over happiness but now that I’ve struggle through and have gotten to a good place emotionally and family wise, I want to be there financially also. I want to receive along with give. I want to inspire, and dream, and live without having my pocketbook suffer.
I have sold things I’ve created (like those pictures) to people I know, but that’s about it. Just about everything I’ve made has sold, I just happen to have my stuff reasonably priced. In others words…cheap. I can’t always help it. There’s just something about the light in people’s faces when they see what I’ve created for them that you just can’t put a price tag on. If I could just light up the faces of people in a higher pay grade than me, I just may be in business.

Here is my final realization… Almost all of my children are grown and I have a husband who will support me in whatever avenue I choose, but now that its time for me….. and I don’t know what to do or how to do it.
After reading a few of my posts, my husband told me I should be a motivational speaker. I find that hilarious but so is a person who is antisocial wanting to help people. If my posts end up motivational for people, great. Then I just have to figure out how to get hundreds or thousands of people to read them.
Maybe there’s something to this writing thing, maybe not…. But its something I haven’t tried and it’s a start I guess. I know I won’t be the best, but can I be good enough? As much as I would love to quit my day job if I was great, good enough would be good enough for me.
I know I lack focus, direction, a plot, and even a starting point really, though I’m pretty sure I can think of a chapter or maybe even a scene. But do I start with a fantasy story from dreams or imagination, should I take a piece of my actual experiences and turn it into fiction, do I write a fiction book with a lot of my experiences, or do I maybe go for a motivational type book? Probably not the latter since I really have no leg to stand on other than my life. **I think partially to start I need to continue on with my life stories here, which i should be getting to after this post and maybe one other very short one** And there’s probability of disappointment and rejection along the way but…. I think I can handle it. The worst that will happen is I get told no, right?

And what timing this is…. 3 months before my 40th birthday. HaHaHa! wait, would this be considered a mid-life crisis?

Feel free to give your two cents, or thoughts, or opinions, or suggestions, or ideas. Questions, comments, concerns?




Filed under Just rambling along, My life as I know it

2 responses to “When I grow up

  1. Your post is excellent. You’ve already begun, doing that which is fulfilling and inspiring, keep going! You have followers and there will be many more!

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