I was an odd child. Big surprise? Yeah… I didn’t think so. There was a lot of stuff that I did, heard, and saw when I was a child that most children don’t see, do, or hear. I myself thought it was normal, up until I told a friend about something I did and she looked at me as if I was nuts.
‘Don’t you do that?’.
‘No. No one does that. You can’t do that.’
That was the last time, as a child, I ever discussed it with anyone. I was old enough to realize that when someone looks at you like that when you tell them something, you don’t repeat what you said to get that look. Ever. I didn’t have many friends and I didn’t want to risk loosing any of them, so I didn’t ever tell anyone else. As I got older I have limited who, where, and when I discuss it.
What was it I did?
Hhmmm, what didn’t I do?
Well… Here’s one of them….
Like most of us, when I was little I was afraid of the dark. There are scary and dangerous things in the dark, or at least there could be scary and dangerous things in the dark. Quite a few of those things I have come across or met, but that didn’t really happen until later in life. When I was still quite young, around the age of 7, the things in the dark were actually quite nice.
When I went to bed one night and proceeded to cry myself asleep , I heard voices. They were soothing, calming voices. They told me that there was nothing in my house or room that would harm me. That there was nothing to be afraid of. I was safe. I could see their faces but only as images in my head. A wispy, blueish light like what you might imagine a ghost would look like.
They did their best to calm and comfort me, and to help me to not be so afraid of the dark. They told me something that I would never forget and that would ultimately save my life at a later point in time. What they said was this…
If someone did come into the house who meant you harm, and they opened the door to your room to look for you, where would be the best place be for you to be? In the darkest part of your room. They explained to me that if I was in the darkest part then I would be able to see them, but they would not be able to see me.
After thinking on that, I scooted myself over to the darkest part of my bed and allowed myself some breathing room. I thought I was safer, so I felt safer. I was so busy crying and getting myself worked up into such a level of anxiety that after I relaxed and calmed down, I realized that I had been talking to someone who wasn’t actually there.
Uh, wait a minute… there’s no one here… did I just imagine that? I must have imagined that. Now, I did, and still do have quite a vivid imagination at times. I also have extraordinarily vivid dreams and nightmares, but I was not asleep yet so it wasn’t a dream or a nightmare. Being the adult that I am now I would also like to mention that in my opinion, to think that conversation entirely up on my own would have shown me to be much wiser in my years that I actually was and I do not believe that to be the case.
As I lay there in my calmer state, I wondered who I was talking to and what was going on. At the time, I was pretty sure that if you didn’t see it, it didn’t exist… and I stated as much. Out loud. That in turn led to another discussion. They do exist and they are here to help and protect me. Hhmm, yeah… ok. What scared child, in the dark, in the middle of the night wouldn’t want to hear that? okay, fine. If you’re real… prove it.
There is a car that is going to drive down your street in 3, 2, 1… a car drove by.
Your parents are going to bed… I heard my parents in the hall going to their room, which was right across from mine, and shut the door.
You’re mom forgot something…. I heard my mom go out of her room, pad down to the kitchen, I heard a noise at the kitchen sink, then I heard her go back to her room and shut the door.
The toilet is going to flush…. the toilet flushes.
Your brother is going to cough… he did.
The neighbors dogs are going to start barking…. they did.
There will be a siren on the other street go by…. I heard an ambulance siren.
Hhmmm… okay, but maybe that was just luck. That doesn’t really prove anything.
The next thing that happened did prove something. It was also what made the entire event stick in my memory and why I remember what they told me about being safe in the dark. It may still have been my young imagination, and oh boy what a great imagination I had if that is the case, but… it did what it was supposed to do. Get my attention, teach me, and get me to remember that very important conversation.
Look in the corner of your room across from you. There will be a light. It will be a small light…..I saw a small blue light. A dot really
Do you see it getting brighter….. I did.
Now it will get bigger but it will not be so bright… it did.
It will sparkle like glitter… It did.
As this dim but glittery light became bigger and dispersed throughout my room I felt warmth and at ease. I felt safe. I felt protected. From then on, anytime I started to get afraid of the dark I would remember that conversation and feel stronger. Stronger in the fact that I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was and that I had nothing to be afraid of. I did not need to fear the unknown just because it was unknown. Things will go bump in the night but there is usually an explanation, and there is usually a reason. There is enough in this world to fear without causing your own fear over something we are only imagining. Do not let your own fear conquer you. Sometimes the best place for you to be is where your own fear is keeping you from going.