Tag Archives: Blog

Polls open…. vote now!

Since I am obviously not going to start a personal background story this evening, I figured I may as well put this out there and see if I get any feedback. You see…. im kinda stuck. I wanted to try to do this chronologically, but I am unsure if I should give personal background first or just jump right in with one of my life stories. So I would like to ask your opinion on what you would like to read (know). There are many choices, which is why I am stuck, and I am not even sure how to categorize them into choices but I will give it a shot.

Hhmmm… maybe divide it up into subject matter?
Paranormal: ghosts, spiritual, dreams, and all around oddities from childhood on up. Feel free to pick a time section, as in childhood, teen, adult.
Death (yes, mine. This also may involve paranormal): Drowning, involuntary drug overdose, carjacking. Yes, I left suicide out since that needs much more background info.
Normal life: this is all the other stuff that i am not exact sure how to divide up. And that would be rape, drugs, family, financial, children, and just about everything else.

I know I have not divided them up very well but there is a lot that intertwines and there are so many stories. I have not been through  everything, but there is so much that I have been through… and then there the empathic bit im struggling with now that even if it’s not me, I know exactly what it feels like.

No, this is not going to be a ‘poor me’ story or a depressing blog. It is meant to be informative and helpful to any who read it, and to me. Each one of the things that have happened to me, happened for a reason. Some of them I know why, some of them I don’t. Either way, I am quite skilled at seeing it from a different angle and taking the lessons out of them.

No matter what, it will be interesting…. that’s just how my life has been. Every day is an event and every day has meaning, sometimes you just have to know to look for it.

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Filed under My life as I know it

and the fortune cookie says….

Photo of an open fortune cookie

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had a fortune cookie yesterday and it said…

You will be fortunate in the opportunities presented to you.

Now…. all I need is for the opportunities to present themselves AND the capability to recognize when they do .

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Filed under Just for fun

When I grow up


When you’re young, you always get asked the question “what do you want to be when you grow up”, and it tends to be a question that comes up a lot. A whole lot. Then you get the question given to you in essay form and you’re to write a report… at least I did.
Needless to say, I failed that report. You see, I had no answer. There was not one specific thing I wanted to do when I grew up.
I am good at analyzing people. Knowing their problems at the root, helping them see things at a different angle, helping them through their difficult times. A career path in psychology was a possibility up until I learned that it would require at least 4 years in college. Uh… No thanks.
Then there was the subject of money. What if I went to school, earned (paid) for a degree and then didn’t like my career path of choice. To me, that would just be a waste of quite a bit of money.

There was just not one thing I could find that I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted more. I wanted to do all of them. I wanted to do everything and anything, not just ONE thing. Problem is… I still do.

Okay, okay… that’s not the actual problem. There is definitely nothing wrong with wanted to do as much as you possibly can with your life, the problem is the actual capability of doing so. It’s more the ‘how to’ that’s a problem for me. Okay, and still a bit of the ‘what’ to do is a problem. I have narrowed it down though.

Singing, acting, modeling, and dancing are out. Too old and a very huge case of stage fright. Not to mention the fact that I am definitely not involved in the correct social circles for that. Honestly, I’m not in any social circle.
Anything requiring a multiple year of college degree is out. Problems with funds, time, and varying interests still raise their ugly head when it comes to 4 year college. It’s just not what I was made for.

I am creative and I do have good ideas but I am horrible at sales, especially when dealing with myself and my work. I just don’t know how. Again, there is the issue of funds but I always seem to be able to work with what I have and what I can afford. If I ever have unlimited funds to make my Halloween costume it will probably be the best price of clothing I’ve ever made. I still dream of the day a can make a Moulin Rouge/Burlesque style outfit with whatever I want instead of what I can get my hands on. The ability to find actual designs and detailed pictures of other grand costumes instead of the cheap costume shop pictures would be helpful too.

It’s just that I want to create, I want to help people, and I want to brighten people’s day. I have never taken money over happiness but now that I’ve struggle through and have gotten to a good place emotionally and family wise, I want to be there financially also. I want to receive along with give. I want to inspire, and dream, and live without having my pocketbook suffer.
I have sold things I’ve created (like those pictures) to people I know, but that’s about it. Just about everything I’ve made has sold, I just happen to have my stuff reasonably priced. In others words…cheap. I can’t always help it. There’s just something about the light in people’s faces when they see what I’ve created for them that you just can’t put a price tag on. If I could just light up the faces of people in a higher pay grade than me, I just may be in business.

Here is my final realization… Almost all of my children are grown and I have a husband who will support me in whatever avenue I choose, but now that its time for me….. and I don’t know what to do or how to do it.
After reading a few of my posts, my husband told me I should be a motivational speaker. I find that hilarious but so is a person who is antisocial wanting to help people. If my posts end up motivational for people, great. Then I just have to figure out how to get hundreds or thousands of people to read them.
Maybe there’s something to this writing thing, maybe not…. But its something I haven’t tried and it’s a start I guess. I know I won’t be the best, but can I be good enough? As much as I would love to quit my day job if I was great, good enough would be good enough for me.
I know I lack focus, direction, a plot, and even a starting point really, though I’m pretty sure I can think of a chapter or maybe even a scene. But do I start with a fantasy story from dreams or imagination, should I take a piece of my actual experiences and turn it into fiction, do I write a fiction book with a lot of my experiences, or do I maybe go for a motivational type book? Probably not the latter since I really have no leg to stand on other than my life. **I think partially to start I need to continue on with my life stories here, which i should be getting to after this post and maybe one other very short one** And there’s probability of disappointment and rejection along the way but…. I think I can handle it. The worst that will happen is I get told no, right?

And what timing this is…. 3 months before my 40th birthday. HaHaHa! wait, would this be considered a mid-life crisis?

Feel free to give your two cents, or thoughts, or opinions, or suggestions, or ideas. Questions, comments, concerns?



Filed under Just rambling along, My life as I know it

Storybook pictures and dreams

These are the pictures I did for my grandkids. They will be getting them when they are here to visit in about a week and I finally got some good pictures of them.

I love books, stories and fairy tales. This storybook series of pictures I’ve been doing reminds me that our lives are just another story, in another life, with multitudes of possibilities. You never know which day will stand out the most or who will come to your rescue (or who you will rescue). It’s a reminder that wishes and dreams do come true, sometimes you have to tilt your head a little bit to get a better view, sometimes it’s blindingly obvious.

As a child, I always wanted to be the princess, damsel, or butt kicking heroine in the fairytale books. As an adult, I realise that I have been and still am. My life, as well as anyones, is a story. We just have to remember to continue shaping and changing the story for the happily ever after that we want.


I really would have liked the Treasure Island part (top left) to have been a little darker but…. that’s how the paper was and I didn’t want to try to ‘fix it’ only to mess it up. It’s not as light up close and personal so I left it as it is.

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Filed under My creative whims

Reflection of an Az sunset

Its monsoon season here in Arizona. The time when we get our yearly rain allowance, the time when it’s no longer a dry heat, the time when you can see some pretty amazing scenery.

I am not much of a photographer, all i have is my phone, and I tend to have difficulty actually capturing in a picture what I see in person. And then theres the fact that I rarely remember to take a picture of said scenery. But…. I did try

I have a few pictures I snapped while in my backyard. The sun was setting in the west and reflecting its beautiful colors onto the clouds to the east of them and this is what I managed to get. By the time I had gone to the front of the house to try to get some pictures from that direction, the sun was down so far that all the reds, pinks, and oranges in the clouds were gone.


Filed under Just for fun

Life Is Good

Currently I have a pinched nerve in my back that is killing my arm and my digestive system is being difficult yet again, but….. I am otherwise healthy and alive. For that I am thankful.

As far as money is concerned I am broke, but… my rent is paid, my lights are on, my air conditioner works, and my kids are fed. For that I am grateful.

There never seems to be enough time for the things on my ‘to do’ list, but…. I have fulfilled my deadlines, rescheduled a thing or two to not only my benefit but others as well, was able to stretch my downtime to relax more, and was able to get a post in. For that I am satisfied.

My children have defied, angered, or ignored me yet again, but…. they have each done at least one tremendous good for me, themselves, or others and it has shown how much they have learned, grown, and actually were listening to me. For that I am proud.

No, things are not as well as I would like them to be but…. the are better than they have been and significantly greater than they could be. For that I am blessed.

Sitting within the shadows can limit your views to the dark spots that are there, but…. sometimes you need to step out of the shadows in order to see all the bright spots and feel the warmth that is already there. Then you may see that for this moment, which is the only moment that matters right now, and it is a moment that will never come again…. life is good.


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Filed under Here's a thought...

To dream a little (or big) dream… again


I am somewhat excited. Ok, ok… I am trying to keep it to a ‘somewhat’ excited level instead of an overly excited level. My husband is again in pursuit of his dream. Truth be told, it has actually become a family dream. It nice to see him interested again and i am hopeful that everything works out better this time. I can see now that several pieces were not in their proper place before, and I really hope it is not the case this time around. You see, it goes a little something like this….

Between my husband and I we have 5 boys, his mine and ours. The eldest and youngest are 10 years and 4 weeks apart, and depending on the month we are in, the 3 middle are a year apart. Right now they are 14, 18, 20, 21, and 24. In sept itll be 14, 19, 20, 21, and 24. Dec itll be 15, Jan will be 25…. and so on and so forth. It’s always funny when people ask how old my kids are and I stop to think about it. For one because I have to take into consideration what month again, for two their reaction when I name off 5 ages. Well having 5 boys, and being married to another at heart, they are all into gaming. Computer games, D&D, Xbox, you name it… we play it. And of course there’s the smack talk. I’m sure you get the idea, but this is the base of his dream. A business that we can all get into and enjoy, take pride in, do together as a family, and a possible future for our children from our hearts (having a family of 7 really puts a tight grasp on your finances). So after trash talking and gaming with his boys while wishing he could do more for his family he came up with a brilliant idea for a family business. A gaming center.

We discussed it together, we discussed it with the boys. The boys loved the idea. We threw around crazy ideas and legitimate ones. All of us became excited and the idea grew bigger. When we started to doubt, the kids enthusiasm kept us going. We spent a couple of years putting together ideas, plans, and avenues. We kept each other motivated. We still lacked the finances, we’ve both lost our jobs at different points (once at the same point), but there was still this dream we had as a family so we kept at it. We had finally found an angel investor.

It did take some money on our end but not as much as other opportunities and after discussing it with our boys, we decided to pursue this avenue. We worked this avenue for a good year. Sign this, do that, ect. We got as far as forming a corporation and a small business, license in our state. We were sooooo close. Then the economy fell apart.
The investor got cold feet (or lost money in other interests) and backed out of everything he was getting involved in. So… we had a corporation and a business license but still had nothing. We were broke, in debt, and had put our time and energy into this for so long that it was devastating. Within the next year, my father in law passed away and that was it. My husband gave up. It was heartbreaking to see a man give up on his dream but it just didn’t seem like it would ever be something that would work out for us. After so many speed bumps, brick walls, and just about every other obsticle you could come across he gave up hope.

It is now years later and there is a spark of hope again. We have all still talked about opening the business but it was more like a fantasy, like planning on what we will do when we win the lottery. The eldest moved on in his life and joined the Navy, the middle one a few years later did the same. The start of turning this business thing back around was when the middle one stated that the Navy is/was his way of starting our family dream. He planned on establishing good (if not great credit) by the solid job of the military and very little bills, and if everything went the way he wanted he would have a good amount stashed away when he got out so he could pursue the business. Well he is still in the military but, he got married before he left….. his finances are quite what he was planning on.
BUT…. this was the start of the kick in the pants my husband has needed. His boys continue to talk about the family business, continue to want to see it open, continue to have the dream, but most importantly… they have put their heart and desire to do this into it, for both them and their dad. It has opened their fathers eyes.

Lately there have been a few other things that have turned up that have really made him think of pursuing this once more. Things said at just the right time, things seen at just the right time, people met at just the right time to make him stop and think that we should go for this again.

The fact that all of his boys still want to do this, still want to be involved, and still want to this to work really helps to push him into pursuing this once more. He still has a fear that everything will get pulled out from under him once more, but everyday that fear is getting less and less.

I am hoping he once again gets as excited about this as he was before. It is something that he is so passionate about that he gets practically anyone else he talks to excited about it.
Even though we have a lot more to do once again, things have changed in a few years, but it could be worth it in the end.

Wether we start small or go big has yet to be determined, but i will take either way. I am trying to not get too excited as of yet since we are not quite in full swing of pursuing it again, but there is hope. And i can still dream about quitting my current job before we decide 😉

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Filed under My life as I know it

Music… the pulse of life

The theme of the second movement (top) transfo...

The theme of the second movement (top) transformed in the third movement (bottom) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Music is simply amazing.

It has a rhythm like the pulse within our veins. A beat, a flow, a life. It stimulates the senses and evokes a mood.

A fast, stimulating rhythm for a productive workout. An angst ridden, dramatic piece for when you need a good cry. A playful, sunny sound to enhance your happiness. A peaceful, soothing tune for meditation.

It is a way to express yourself, to create a melody that fits your life. Expressionism through words. An art form. A voice for your soul.

When put into movies or tv, it helps the viewer feel the movie. It stimulates emotions for the current scene and creates a specific atmosphere. It transports you to a different time or place.

Music brings back memories once forgotten, it reminds you to feel the moment and live within it, it brings you dreams of a better tomorrow.

Music can be used as a tool to express yourself, or for coping with life. It is your blood, sweat, tears, anger, hate, love, joy, sadness, and your state of bliss. It is everything. It is the pulse of your life. It is whatever you want it to be. It is whatever you need it to be.

Country, rock, jazz, blues, gospel, contemporary, instrumental, classical, industrial, techno, pop, pop rock, alternative, hip-hop, rap, metal, dubstep, electronic, latin, reggae, dance…… the style is as endless as our thoughts and emotions. Every single one has a rhythm and a flow filled with life. Not only do we hear and listen to music but so do we feel it with our heart and soul.

Music molds us, comforts us, stimulates us, and bonds us. Music helps us through our grief, our stress, our anger. Music is uplifting, encouraging, and energizing.

It shapes us and we shape it.

We change it just as it changes us.


Filed under Here's a thought...

Strangers in the morning

I talked with a stranger yesterday morning. It was a quite an interesting conversation, one that I wish could have been more in depth on several of the subjects we briefly went over, but that would have required a lot more time which I did not have.

He was out to promote business, his wife & sister in laws business. He was handing out flyers to people to vote for this business venture of some technology that would be a benifit to patients with surgery and the military. Some sort of no fog lens for scopes and goggles. You go thru facebook, vote for the idea, give them support for their effort, to assist them in getting a grant so they may peruse their venture. The whole of the idea is to benifit possibly millions of people. A very good persuit in my opinion.
I do not have a website or any other detailed information other than the flyer that was given me, and I am not entirely sure of the rules & regulations on this blogsite for helping promote someone (which I should look into if I plan on posting something like that, which I dis not), but that is not why meeting this person has stuck with me. It is the fact that in my untrusting nature I had a rather long conversation with this man all the while continuing to want to have a more in depth conversation though I knew that was not going to be possible. Not at that time at least. Heck, I would have liked to have been the quiet mouse in the corner while him and my husband had a conversation, it would have been interesting and enlightening.

Here’s the thing, I don’t really know much about him but this is what I saw. He has come a long way from where he could have ended up. He has confidence, faith,  and a good heart. He sees and brings out in others what they fail to see in themselves. He sees the bright side and doesn’t dwell in the dark. He is motivated for all the right reasons and for all the right things. It appears that everything he touches turns to gold but only because he makes it that way. He makes lemonade out of lemons so to speak. He effects people, in a good way, without them even knowing it. He has a faith in man that I have not seen in a very long time. He wants to help people become better, to do better, and be better. He sets out to so more, and he does. He does good for those around him.

There is a reason for everything. My meeting him was not by chance, I knew that when I saw him. He effected everyone he met that day, wether they knew it or not. But… He is just a man. A human being. Like you, like me. He has had heartache, disappointment, and struggles as we all do and it has made him who he is today. A teacher, a fighter, a giver, a guide.

There are wonderful people in this world. There are magical people in this world. There are amazing people in this world. Everyone of us is one of those people should we chose to be. You may not always realise the live and hearts of those you touch but you do so everyday. Do that in a way that you can be proud of. It may be the smallest or simplest thing to you that will make the world for someone else. You will brighten their day or even give them hope. Your simple, small act of kindness or consideration can change the life of another. Remember that you can, do, and will change lives and change the world and it will probably be simple gesture on your part. One of the best things you could do is start with a smile.

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Filed under Here's a thought...

Passing it on…

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Filed under Passing It On