Tag Archives: blogging

Things that go bump in the night

Un otage nommé Bumpy

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was an odd child. Big surprise? Yeah… I didn’t think so. There was a lot of stuff that I did, heard, and saw when I was a child that most children don’t see, do, or hear. I myself thought it was normal, up until I told a friend about something I did and she looked at me as if I was nuts.
‘Don’t you do that?’.
‘No. No one does that. You can’t do that.’
Oh.
That was the last time, as a child, I ever discussed it with anyone. I was old enough to realize that when someone looks at you like that when you tell them something, you don’t repeat what you said to get that look. Ever. I didn’t have many friends and I didn’t want to risk loosing any of them, so I didn’t ever tell anyone else. As I got older I have limited who, where, and when I discuss it.
What was it I did?
Hhmmm, what didn’t I do?
Well… Here’s one of them….

Like most of us, when I was little I was afraid of the dark. There are scary and dangerous things in the dark, or at least there could be scary and dangerous things in the dark. Quite a few of those things I have come across or met, but that didn’t really happen until later in life. When I was still quite young, around the age of 7, the things in the dark were actually quite nice.
When I went to bed one night and proceeded to cry myself asleep , I heard voices. They were soothing, calming voices. They told me that there was nothing in my house or room that would harm me. That there was nothing to be afraid of. I was safe. I could see their faces but only as images in my head. A wispy, blueish light like what you might imagine a ghost would look like.

They did their best to calm and comfort me, and to help me to not be so afraid of the dark. They told me something that I would never forget and that would ultimately save my life at a later point in time. What they said was this…
If someone did come into the house who meant you harm, and they opened the door to your room to look for you, where would be the best place be for you to be? In the darkest part of your room. They explained to me that if I was in the darkest part then I would be able to see them, but they would not be able to see me.
After thinking on that, I scooted myself over to the darkest part of my bed and allowed myself some breathing room. I thought I was safer, so I felt safer. I was so busy crying and getting myself worked up into such a level of anxiety that after I relaxed and calmed down, I realized that I had been talking to someone who wasn’t actually there.

Uh, wait a minute… there’s no one here… did I just imagine that? I must have imagined that. Now, I did, and still do have quite a vivid imagination at times. I also have extraordinarily vivid dreams and nightmares, but I was not asleep yet so it wasn’t a dream or a nightmare. Being the adult that I am now I would also like to mention that in my opinion, to think that conversation entirely up on my own would have shown me to be much wiser in my years that I actually was and I do not believe that to be the case.

As I lay there in my calmer state, I wondered who I was talking to and what was going on. At the time, I was pretty sure that if you didn’t see it, it didn’t exist… and I stated as much. Out loud. That in turn led to another discussion. They do exist and they are here to help and protect me. Hhmm, yeah… ok. What scared child, in the dark, in the middle of the night wouldn’t want to hear that? okay, fine. If you’re real… prove it.

There is a car that is going to drive down your street in 3, 2, 1… a car drove by.

Your parents are going to bed… I heard my parents in the hall going to their room, which was right across from mine, and shut the door.

You’re mom forgot something…. I heard my mom go out of her room, pad down to the kitchen, I heard a noise at the kitchen sink, then I heard her go back to her room and shut the door.

The toilet is going to flush…. the toilet flushes.

Your brother is going to cough… he did.

The neighbors dogs are going to start barking…. they did.

There will be a siren on the other street go by…. I heard an ambulance siren.

 

Hhmmm… okay, but maybe that was just luck. That doesn’t really prove anything.

The next thing that happened did prove something. It was also what made the entire event stick in my memory and why I remember what they told me about being safe in the dark. It may still have been my young imagination, and oh boy what a great imagination I had if that is the case, but… it did what it was supposed to do. Get my attention, teach me, and get me to remember that very important conversation.

 

Look in the corner of your room across from you. There will be a light. It will be a small light…..I saw a small blue light. A dot really

Do you see it getting brighter….. I did.

Now it will get bigger but it will not be so bright… it did.

It will sparkle like glitter… It did.

As this dim but glittery light became bigger and dispersed throughout my room I felt warmth and at ease. I felt safe. I felt protected. From then on, anytime I started to get afraid of the dark I would remember that conversation and feel stronger. Stronger in the fact that I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was and that I had nothing to be afraid of. I did not need to fear the unknown just because it was unknown. Things will go bump in the night but there is usually an explanation, and there is usually a reason. There is enough in this world to fear without causing your own fear over something we are only imagining. Do not let your own fear conquer you. Sometimes the best place for you to be is where your own fear is keeping you from going.

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Filed under My life as I know it

When I grow up

 

When you’re young, you always get asked the question “what do you want to be when you grow up”, and it tends to be a question that comes up a lot. A whole lot. Then you get the question given to you in essay form and you’re to write a report… at least I did.
Needless to say, I failed that report. You see, I had no answer. There was not one specific thing I wanted to do when I grew up.
I am good at analyzing people. Knowing their problems at the root, helping them see things at a different angle, helping them through their difficult times. A career path in psychology was a possibility up until I learned that it would require at least 4 years in college. Uh… No thanks.
Then there was the subject of money. What if I went to school, earned (paid) for a degree and then didn’t like my career path of choice. To me, that would just be a waste of quite a bit of money.

There was just not one thing I could find that I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted more. I wanted to do all of them. I wanted to do everything and anything, not just ONE thing. Problem is… I still do.

Okay, okay… that’s not the actual problem. There is definitely nothing wrong with wanted to do as much as you possibly can with your life, the problem is the actual capability of doing so. It’s more the ‘how to’ that’s a problem for me. Okay, and still a bit of the ‘what’ to do is a problem. I have narrowed it down though.

Singing, acting, modeling, and dancing are out. Too old and a very huge case of stage fright. Not to mention the fact that I am definitely not involved in the correct social circles for that. Honestly, I’m not in any social circle.
Anything requiring a multiple year of college degree is out. Problems with funds, time, and varying interests still raise their ugly head when it comes to 4 year college. It’s just not what I was made for.

I am creative and I do have good ideas but I am horrible at sales, especially when dealing with myself and my work. I just don’t know how. Again, there is the issue of funds but I always seem to be able to work with what I have and what I can afford. If I ever have unlimited funds to make my Halloween costume it will probably be the best price of clothing I’ve ever made. I still dream of the day a can make a Moulin Rouge/Burlesque style outfit with whatever I want instead of what I can get my hands on. The ability to find actual designs and detailed pictures of other grand costumes instead of the cheap costume shop pictures would be helpful too.

It’s just that I want to create, I want to help people, and I want to brighten people’s day. I have never taken money over happiness but now that I’ve struggle through and have gotten to a good place emotionally and family wise, I want to be there financially also. I want to receive along with give. I want to inspire, and dream, and live without having my pocketbook suffer.
I have sold things I’ve created (like those pictures) to people I know, but that’s about it. Just about everything I’ve made has sold, I just happen to have my stuff reasonably priced. In others words…cheap. I can’t always help it. There’s just something about the light in people’s faces when they see what I’ve created for them that you just can’t put a price tag on. If I could just light up the faces of people in a higher pay grade than me, I just may be in business.

Here is my final realization… Almost all of my children are grown and I have a husband who will support me in whatever avenue I choose, but now that its time for me….. and I don’t know what to do or how to do it.
After reading a few of my posts, my husband told me I should be a motivational speaker. I find that hilarious but so is a person who is antisocial wanting to help people. If my posts end up motivational for people, great. Then I just have to figure out how to get hundreds or thousands of people to read them.
Maybe there’s something to this writing thing, maybe not…. But its something I haven’t tried and it’s a start I guess. I know I won’t be the best, but can I be good enough? As much as I would love to quit my day job if I was great, good enough would be good enough for me.
I know I lack focus, direction, a plot, and even a starting point really, though I’m pretty sure I can think of a chapter or maybe even a scene. But do I start with a fantasy story from dreams or imagination, should I take a piece of my actual experiences and turn it into fiction, do I write a fiction book with a lot of my experiences, or do I maybe go for a motivational type book? Probably not the latter since I really have no leg to stand on other than my life. **I think partially to start I need to continue on with my life stories here, which i should be getting to after this post and maybe one other very short one** And there’s probability of disappointment and rejection along the way but…. I think I can handle it. The worst that will happen is I get told no, right?

And what timing this is…. 3 months before my 40th birthday. HaHaHa! wait, would this be considered a mid-life crisis?

Feel free to give your two cents, or thoughts, or opinions, or suggestions, or ideas. Questions, comments, concerns?

 

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Filed under Just rambling along, My life as I know it

Maybe this is why I get nothing done

Well……. the good news. I have a new phone with a better camera.

The bad news. This is what’s been happening when I finally sit down to type a post on a PC.

 

We have 2 dogs and 2 cats. The cats have yet to get along with the dogs (they were ours before the dogs and they are not so keen on sharing the household). This has been a work in progress. Needless to say, when the cats do get your attention, they want ALL of your attention.

Now that I’m finally getting to post, it’s past my bedtime. Again. I’ve actually been quite emotionally drained lately, what with all the illnesses, relatives in the hospital, and other family and work drama that I usually try to avoid…. my emotions have gone a bit wonky. Yes, wonky. I really want to type up another peice about me, like maybe a part after I was an infant. But what I’d really like to get to is the now. the emotional, the reading people, the seeing people. I am just not clear on how to go about that yet. I’m sure it’ll come to me as it should.

In the meantime, and before I fall asleep, I thought i’d tr posting some pics i took this weekend with my new camera phone. They are definately nothing spectacular, and I really didn’t spend much time trying to get pictures, I was busy with family and my grandparents celebration of 80 birthdays.  🙂

without further ado, here are some boring, unprofessional, quick… what can I find to take a picture of, pictures. They aught to be much better than the other ones and i’m excited to see how they turn out on this.

 

They may be boring but they are a lesson for me.

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Filed under Off on a blogging Adventure!

…blah, blah, blah…

I don’t really have much today but I have told myself I would post something everyday, so I am. It’s late (for someone who has to get up at 5am tomorrow), I’m tired, and i feel… well… blah. Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t really bad… it’s just that somethings a bit… um… off. And I don’t know what it is.

It could just be everything (mainly my internal emotions) are settling down after being run over by 5 semi-trucks, or… it could be something else. Which of course I won’t know til it happens. I hate that. I’m looking over my shoulder, just waiting. I’m wondering if I am missing something. Did I forget something? Is everyone ok? Is something wrong? Is it family, a blogger I follow, a coworker, or someone else? sigh… I don’t know… but something is off. Is it bad? Really bad? It may not be that bad, but it is usually a sign of something for somebody, good or bad. It’s a change. A turning point. And it may even be something so small that the person right now doesn’t even realise it.

With everything going on lately I am unsure if it’s that or if it’s just me catching up to myself.

I guess I will just have to wait and see.

I hope everyone is doing well, family and fellow bloggers alike, and if you have by chance had an epiphany or something (hopefully for the better), let me know  😉

Description unavailable

Description unavailable (Photo credit: wakingphotolife:)

This pic is on here because it came up on the recommendations and caught my eye. Beautiful lighting. Hhmm… maybe the ‘off’ is a good thing. Maybe i should have said odd, rather than off. Always nice to end on a nice, peaceful, or beautiful note anyway 😉

 

 

 

 

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Filed under My life as I know it, Off on a blogging Adventure!

Everyone needs a reminder now and then

Smile at a stranger

 

While searching through an app on my phone, I found these words of wisdom (and fun). Enjoy! 

 

*When nothing goes right… go left.

 

*I don’t have time to hate people who hate me because I’m too busy loving people who love me.

Crazy Kawaii Bot

Crazy Kawaii Bot (Photo credit: Jenn and Tony Bot)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Remind yourself that it’s ok not to be perfect.

 

*I hate when I’m singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

 

*You can’t expect to be old and wise if you were never young and crazy.

[crazy fun]

[crazy fun] (Photo credit: RHiNO NEAL)