Tag Archives: death

I can see the stars

Bittersweet, short post today. My uncle passed away this afternoon. About the time he had passed away, I came across this quote….

“Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

My uncle was a great man, but I do not believe his heart is (or was) big enough to take in all the love that the people I know (and don’t know but know him) have for him.
As much difficulty as I have with it at times, I do so very much hope he comes and visits me. It does make the grief and pain of the loss much easier to bear.

I will carry the memories I have, and the love in my heart for you… Always

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Filed under My life as I know it

I found my lemons!!

Lemon

Ok, so I wasn’t really looking for lemons, but I’ve found them. I guess I could say that I was expecting them, and maybe in some opinions I was asking for them. Either way, I’ve got them.

Things have been a bit busy. It’s that time of year again, my creative season. That is actually a good thing, and I do intend to share my newest whims in another post, but this one is about lemons. Just a few tidbits though, the events will be shortened.

First, I’ve been having the ‘weird’ going on again for about a week or so. Things brushing my arm when there’s nothing there. Things nudging against me when im in bed and there’s nothing there (that happened the night I posted grandpa’s gift part 1). The next night the light bulbs flickered after they were shut off, the strange part of that is that the do it continuously. We finally just took out the bulbs. Probably a short that just suddenly happened outta the blue but….(he hasn’t found the short yet)

When this stuff happens around me, it usually tells me somethings up, or that something is going to be up. So….. This happened next.

I received a text from one of my daughter in-laws. It stated that I was to go through her if I wanted to have any communication with my son (my eldest biological child). The last two texts (yes, our conversation was entirely through texts), were the kind of which you never forget, and will never be forgiven. In short, a few nasty words and she stated I was a bad mother. Seriously?! I can’t wait for karma to bite her when she grows up enough and has her own children and learns that eating your own words is very hard to swallow. She knows nothing about me, what I went through trying to raise my son. The difficulties, drama, court every two years,, headaches, heartaches, and the list goes on. Raising children is difficult and no parent, or child, is perfect.
I had several nightmares. One of which that there was a death in the family and I was trying to get ahold of him to inform him. It didn’t go well, hence the word ‘nightmare’.

Aahhh…. Maybe that’s what the warnings were for…..

I talked to my mother yesterday. She has a boyfriend that I don’t like, never have since I’ve met him, and the rest of her family has grown to not like him. She is an enabler and he is… Well… Someone who needs enabling. I am perfectly civil when I talk to her, but since I’m honest in what I say, I don’t say anything about him when she talks about him. Usually she doesn’t talk about him but in turn she avoids talking to me because lately he has been ill.
Basically, he is dying. It is actually from alcoholism but it was labeled earlier this week as congestive heart failure.
He is swollen to the point he cannot move his limbs himself, plus the heart issue, and breathing issues. Tonight, they are taking him off the ventilator and moving him to hospice.
No, I do not like the man. He was an alcoholic, and an abuser. I do not know if he physically abused her since that would not be something she would tell me, (however, I do know that all the pretty, sweet words in the world do not make up for being dragged in the dirt, either literally or non literal. That I have seen him do first hand.) But I do have sympathy for my mother and her pain.

Aahhh…. A warning for a death makes a lot more sense. Especially since I do tend to be a bit in tune with those. I tend to have a close personal relationship with death that I am not entirely fond of, but such is my life.

Then my aunt told me this morning that my uncle, the one who has emphysema and COPD, had a difficult night last night.
Oh great. (Read that with the sarcasm it was written with)

My hunch is my mother’s boyfriend though and not my uncle. Not that I want either of them to pass on but death is the inevitable fate that we all have in common. It the occurence itself that varies.
It’s is what you do with all the times and things in between birth and death that really matter.

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Filed under Just rambling along, My life as I know it