Tag Archives: grief

I’ve been meaning to get to that, but…

I currently have multiple things on my plate that I would like to get to, but for some reason, I don’t (like this blog for one). Isn’t that always the case?

I have things to finish, things to start, and things to say, but I seem to be tongue tied at the moment. So, I figured that something (even unorganized, unspecified ramblings) is better than nothing.

We had two deaths in the family recently, on the same day. On that same day we found a trapped, hurt kitten that has now become a healthy part of our family.

My youngest son, who struggles in school, has started online school again. It is going much better this year, but that is because I am sitting and working with him after work. Eventually he will be confident enough to do some of the stuff in his own, but in the meantime I am devoting my time to helping him understand it and be more comfortable with it.

I have a few craft things I have completed but are now sitting around collecting dust. Id like to get pictures of them to show off on here but….
I also need to finish working on a project for a friend for Christmas. I know, its not even October, but that’s why I start it now. That way it will get done in time. I also have had my daughter in law request a picture for their empty wall so I need to get started on that too. Especially since I have come up with a really good idea of what/how to do it.

And then today my son brought up cat toys. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner but I know have ribbon, feathers, and bells that would be perfect for making some kitten plaything concoction.

I have however, invited anyone & everyone I know to my birthday celebration/vacation to Laughlin in October on both Facebook and email. So far, my mother is going. As it stands right now, I will not be surprised if that’s all who goes since that is usually what happens.

BUT…. I have been in a good and productive mood all day (finally) and I intend to keep it that way so….

Another quote from inspirationalspark.com

“A bend in the road is not the end of the road… unless you fail to make the turn.”.  ~ author unknown

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Filed under Just rambling along

I can see the stars

Bittersweet, short post today. My uncle passed away this afternoon. About the time he had passed away, I came across this quote….

“Perhaps they are not the stars, but rather openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”

My uncle was a great man, but I do not believe his heart is (or was) big enough to take in all the love that the people I know (and don’t know but know him) have for him.
As much difficulty as I have with it at times, I do so very much hope he comes and visits me. It does make the grief and pain of the loss much easier to bear.

I will carry the memories I have, and the love in my heart for you… Always

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Filed under My life as I know it

Music… the pulse of life

The theme of the second movement (top) transfo...

The theme of the second movement (top) transformed in the third movement (bottom) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Music is simply amazing.

It has a rhythm like the pulse within our veins. A beat, a flow, a life. It stimulates the senses and evokes a mood.

A fast, stimulating rhythm for a productive workout. An angst ridden, dramatic piece for when you need a good cry. A playful, sunny sound to enhance your happiness. A peaceful, soothing tune for meditation.

It is a way to express yourself, to create a melody that fits your life. Expressionism through words. An art form. A voice for your soul.

When put into movies or tv, it helps the viewer feel the movie. It stimulates emotions for the current scene and creates a specific atmosphere. It transports you to a different time or place.

Music brings back memories once forgotten, it reminds you to feel the moment and live within it, it brings you dreams of a better tomorrow.

Music can be used as a tool to express yourself, or for coping with life. It is your blood, sweat, tears, anger, hate, love, joy, sadness, and your state of bliss. It is everything. It is the pulse of your life. It is whatever you want it to be. It is whatever you need it to be.

Country, rock, jazz, blues, gospel, contemporary, instrumental, classical, industrial, techno, pop, pop rock, alternative, hip-hop, rap, metal, dubstep, electronic, latin, reggae, dance…… the style is as endless as our thoughts and emotions. Every single one has a rhythm and a flow filled with life. Not only do we hear and listen to music but so do we feel it with our heart and soul.

Music molds us, comforts us, stimulates us, and bonds us. Music helps us through our grief, our stress, our anger. Music is uplifting, encouraging, and energizing.

It shapes us and we shape it.

We change it just as it changes us.

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Filed under Here's a thought...

And the madness begins.

I really thought i would get more happy, possitive posts in before delving into the oddity that is me… but i guess not. Such is my life 😉
This post is being entirely done through my phone app which doesnt have spell check. So keep that in mind 😉

Todays subject matter will probably seem grim to most but it is a subject i am quite familiar with. More familiar than i think i should be. It is death.

Probably the best way to explain how i came to this subject today i to start from the begining. It will be brief tho, as i am sure i will go into details of the begining at a later time. They are quite facinating stories all on the own and require posts in their own right, but considering the situation of today i feel it necesary to at least give a basic background.

First off… I have had 4 deaths.
1. Drowned in a pool when i was about 13.
2. Suicide at about the age 15. Ill just leave it at that.
3. Involuntry drug overdose at about the age of 17.
4. Violent crime (carjacking) at the age of 20. Had my throat slit from on side to the other and was left for dead on the side of a road.
The last one of course was the most traumatic. It also changed me. Completely.

Second of all… all of my life i have had encounters with death. I have had dreams, nightmares, and (for lack of a better word) visions. This has happened both before and after a death. I have a feeling it would be a long story if i went into more detail, so i will stop there with that.

Lastly, i tend to be what has been called empathic. I feel, literally, what others are feeling. Comes in handy when someone is lying, not so much when someone is in pain. I’ve also been through just about everything, so in that way i know what someones going through. Between the two of those things alone, things get complicated.

With that said, back to the subject at hand. I know that at times it is a necesary evil. I have watched illness destroy people from the inside out, and when their death finally did come, it was actually a good thing. It is the nature of the beast, it is the never ending cycle, it is the one thing that will happen to every person. Needless to say… i get a little wierd (as a friend of mine puts it) around death. The dreams, the visions, and all the grief gets to be a bit much. I deal with it the best i can. Seperation. Distance. People dont always take what i have to say well and i can tend to be too blunt and honest for most people to take.

Recently too many people have passed away. My husband aunt, my aunt, my coworker, my husband uncle, and my husbands friends wife. Not to mention a driver at my husbands work, an aquantence of mines infant child, and a friends relative. Too much death, too close to home, in too little of time. And i know there has been at least 1 fatality car accident that i have driven by on my way home from work on the last few months. My aunt and my coworker (who i was actually close to at one point) both passed away on the same sunday.

Its just that death seems to be very prominent recently. Ive had arguements & discussion. Other people have mentioned for one reason or another. And then theres my dreams.

Yeah… well… my aunt that i am very close to called me this morning to let me know that her husband is in ICU and that her mother (my grandmother) is having a surgery today and that she is considered high risk. So… its been one of those days. I feel as if i am waiting for the other shoe to drop… again. Sigh….

I will be at the hospital later on. Ot just bothers me and i needed to write. I could continue rambling but thoughts are starting to kinda mush together.

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Filed under Just rambling along, My life as I know it