Tag Archives: self doubt

Who am I kidding?

Just like everyone else, I have my days of doubts. On occasion I do run out of sugar to make lemonade with my lemons. Not that I really have many lemons right now. Life actually seems to be in a short supply of them.

If that’s the case, why do I have this feeling that something is amiss? That something isn’t right? Why can’t I be happy with a ‘normal’ life?I have had my fair share of oddities and abnormality in my life so why can’t I just be happy with things just being?

The thing is, im not really unhappy. Im unsure of what the proper term for it would be even. I just keep waiting for something…… More.

I feel as if I’m waiting for my storybooks to come to life. I myself have had quite an adventurous life. The kind you only find in books and in film, so I guess it would be only fitting to find that there really is more.

That there’s a secret group of people that you fit in with so well and you fell you finally belong. That there’s a secret ability that you posess that doesn’t show until a certain point. That you’ve come to find that you were created for so much more than you could have ever imagined.
I’m waiting for that part where I find I’m not crazy, not imagining things, and that I was right all along. Whatever I would be right about exactly, im not sure of though.

It’s just that the fairytales aren’t real and I’m getting to old to believe they may be.
There are no miricles I can perform. No magical abilities that I posses. No astounding good fortune to make up for all the exceedingly bad situations.

It’s just my ability to see the possitive within the negative. To take the bad situation and learn from it. My ability to seperate and move on.

It doesn’t seem like much, but its all I’ve got. Who knows, maybe this story, my life, is just in the begining chapters. It would be nice if I could get a hint though. You know, peek ahead and see…
Does he take her in his arms and whisper sweet nothings? Did he/she stumble across the next big thing? Did their family reunion turn out to be better than they anticipated.

So…. Who am I kidding? Myself, or others? What happens when the motivator needs motivation themself? What happens when the person who sees more than they want, or should, can’t see what they need to progress?


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Filed under Just rambling along, My life as I know it