Tag Archives: stress

Life Is Good

Currently I have a pinched nerve in my back that is killing my arm and my digestive system is being difficult yet again, but….. I am otherwise healthy and alive. For that I am thankful.

As far as money is concerned I am broke, but… my rent is paid, my lights are on, my air conditioner works, and my kids are fed. For that I am grateful.

There never seems to be enough time for the things on my ‘to do’ list, but…. I have fulfilled my deadlines, rescheduled a thing or two to not only my benefit but others as well, was able to stretch my downtime to relax more, and was able to get a post in. For that I am satisfied.

My children have defied, angered, or ignored me yet again, but…. they have each done at least one tremendous good for me, themselves, or others and it has shown how much they have learned, grown, and actually were listening to me. For that I am proud.

No, things are not as well as I would like them to be but…. the are better than they have been and significantly greater than they could be. For that I am blessed.

Sitting within the shadows can limit your views to the dark spots that are there, but…. sometimes you need to step out of the shadows in order to see all the bright spots and feel the warmth that is already there. Then you may see that for this moment, which is the only moment that matters right now, and it is a moment that will never come again…. life is good.


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Filed under Here's a thought...

Music… the pulse of life

The theme of the second movement (top) transfo...

The theme of the second movement (top) transformed in the third movement (bottom) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Music is simply amazing.

It has a rhythm like the pulse within our veins. A beat, a flow, a life. It stimulates the senses and evokes a mood.

A fast, stimulating rhythm for a productive workout. An angst ridden, dramatic piece for when you need a good cry. A playful, sunny sound to enhance your happiness. A peaceful, soothing tune for meditation.

It is a way to express yourself, to create a melody that fits your life. Expressionism through words. An art form. A voice for your soul.

When put into movies or tv, it helps the viewer feel the movie. It stimulates emotions for the current scene and creates a specific atmosphere. It transports you to a different time or place.

Music brings back memories once forgotten, it reminds you to feel the moment and live within it, it brings you dreams of a better tomorrow.

Music can be used as a tool to express yourself, or for coping with life. It is your blood, sweat, tears, anger, hate, love, joy, sadness, and your state of bliss. It is everything. It is the pulse of your life. It is whatever you want it to be. It is whatever you need it to be.

Country, rock, jazz, blues, gospel, contemporary, instrumental, classical, industrial, techno, pop, pop rock, alternative, hip-hop, rap, metal, dubstep, electronic, latin, reggae, dance…… the style is as endless as our thoughts and emotions. Every single one has a rhythm and a flow filled with life. Not only do we hear and listen to music but so do we feel it with our heart and soul.

Music molds us, comforts us, stimulates us, and bonds us. Music helps us through our grief, our stress, our anger. Music is uplifting, encouraging, and energizing.

It shapes us and we shape it.

We change it just as it changes us.


Filed under Here's a thought...

But wait… there’s more

My intention this evening is to post that challenge I had mentioned a few odd posts back. But… I’ve got ramble a bit about this blogging adventure first.

This is a "thought bubble". It is an...

I think this thought bubble is too small for all my thoughts. Does it come in a larger size?

1. There is still quite a bit for me to learn and try out, I just haven’t had the time. I also want to try out a different theme but haven’t had the time for that either. When it comes to being decorative with something… I could spend hours working at it. I think I spent 2 hours creating my Dragon Age character once (ok, maybe more than once). I’d love to personalize this a bit more but I need to be able to spend some time on my ass in front of the pc version.

2. As I’ve mentioned somewhat already, I’m finding that blogging is amazing. I am able to check out a ton of other blogs, like them, share them, follow them, and I can do this all without any pressure. With anonymity. The only problem I have found with that is when I do relate with something someone is saying and I do want to say more, I am limited. Everything is open for everyone and some of what I want to say I am not sure is something that needs to be said to everyone. I could go into a very long discussion about that, but I’ll give you one short example. There is a blog I follow that has a daily post. The person was going through a difficult time and didn’t post for a few days and it had me worried. I was concerned about them and really wanted to ask them how they were, say hi, tell them a joke… anything, but I found that I couldn’t. Who the heck am I to bug them and intrude? I am a stranger. But I have sooo much I could say, I have sooooo much to say. I just don’t know how to approach that or even if I should. Times I have reached out instinctively to people in the past have not turned out so well. They usually get a bit uncomfortable and back away.  ….. ok, I can go on and on explaining that in more detail to but if I do, I’ll never get to bed this evening. That’s another story for another post.  😉

So, since I can’t type up a 3 page or so rambling bunch of words with suggestions, ideas, encouragement, or explanations… I will explain my challenge for anyone who reads this in the hopes that those who need it, read it… and that it helps. This challenge is my form of mini, on the spot meditation. It has helped me keep my emotions in check, it has helped me put things into a new perspective, it has helped me turn the negative to positive. I have consciously done this so many times that I can do it without putting a whole lot of thought into it. Now, It’s not that I don’t think anyone else has done this, or knows about it, I just don’t think as many people realise it and utilize it as they should. It may help you, it may not, but it doesn’t hurt to try. So here it is….

Stop. Whatever you are doing stop. Ok, you have to keep reading to know what to do next, but you get the point. While you’re reading this, think about it and try it a bit now, so you can do it later. At some point in your day (i prefer outside), take at least 5 minutes to stop. Everything around us puts of energy/lifeforce/ions or whatever you want to call it. Stop and feel it. Let me try to explain this in order without getting sidetracked and without over explaining. If anyone would like more explanation, I’d be more than happy to.

Stop X

Stop. Deep breath. Focus on yourself. Relax…. Focus on the ground you are standing. Fell the texture, feel the temperature, feel the vibration or movement (or lack of)…. Take another deep breath and take in the scents around you… Feel the air around you. The breeze, the wind, the movement of the air from others… Feel the environment around you. The heat, the cold, the damp, the dry… Breathe in the environment, the life and energy around you….. Focus on taking in and absorbing the good from the earth, nature, and people around you… Focus on releasing and letting go of your negative. Your pain, anger, hate, sadness… Again, breathe in positive, and out negative…. And again, but this time breathe out positive. As you feel and enjoy the good of what is around you, give back to the good that is around you.

You can fine tune this to your own personal preferences, like… create an ‘imaginary forcefield’ around yourself of positiveness. Quite handy for putting scared children (or adults) to bed.

You can take something that is a negative and purposely see it as a positive, consciously change your perspective. Yes, the rain is really messing up your hair, but smell how fresh the air is.

It’s just as simple as this. Take the time to stop and focus your thoughts into something good. In turn you make yourself feel good. In turn you make others feel good. Use the sh!t from the day to make the roses you want to smell tomorrow.

An artificially coloured rose. A white rose is...

I have found that the more I made myself focus and change my energy, perspective, thoughts, emotions, or what have you… the easier it became to do without thinking. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I still have my moments, but they are much, much easier to talk myself out of. I still panic, have anxiety, depression, anger, ptsd, or whatever else I haven’t mentioned, but most people wouldn’t know it just by looking at me. Talking to me on the other hand, can get a little strange. Often funny, sometimes shocking, but almost always interesting.   😉

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Filed under My life as I know it, Off on a blogging Adventure!

Life is unfair

One day to a new beginning

One day to a new beginning (Photo credit: Nomadic Lass)

We have all heard the phrase before that life is unfair. Everyone has experienced the unfairness, some of us more so than others.

Sigh…. I am not even sure where I was going with this. It’s just been one if those days. You know, unfair. It all started well, but just went downhill. Not that it was really bad. Oh no, definitely not the worst… not even close. But do you ever get that feeling,after a not so good day, about how ‘off’ things are. You say to yourself ‘somethings not right’, and that sooo helps your mood (not). Yeah, well, its been one of those days.

We go thru the day putting one foot in front of the other just to make it to tomorrow knowing that tomorrow will be better. Deep breath. One day at a time. One step at a time.

I did not want to write this type of post tonight. I wanted to write my challenge that i mentioned a few posts ago. It is a quick ‘me time’ meditation that i do that helps me get thru days or difficult times, like today. It’s an on the spot help you turn your perspective around type of thing. We all have those days so i am hoping that it will help someone else when they need it. It has helped me a lot.

As you can probably tell from previous posts, I am an instants type/post type of person. I have a general plan or idea of what I want to say in my posts, but I type straight from my heart and thoughts at the time. That is part of my reason of starting this in the first place. So many thoughts, so much to say, so much to share…. all in the hopes that it will help someone else. Help either make their live easier, help them cope better, help them heal, help them with life. Make them smile, make them laugh, give them insight, give them hope. Just give something.

Since i tend to be anti-social in the physical world, that can be a little difficult. It is a very justifiable anti-social. definitely been there done that type of thing, and so much more. But such is my life. Worse than some, better than others. Such is everyone’s lives. Its how we cope, deal, and react that make it’s what it is and who we are. Live is an adventure that is meant to be lived and you have to take the bad with the good in order to really make it worth your while. You wouldnt cherish your love or love with you whole heart if you never knew what it was like.

And there I go rambling… again… as usual. Get used to it 😉

The point of my mood….. my closest friend is my aunt. She is the youngest of my moms sisters. We have had similar experiences in life, at different times of course, and have become even closer over the last 2 years. So close we are in sync so to speak. I feel her pain, her joy, her anger (a lot of why i keep my distance from people). It was her husband that was admitted into the hospital last monday due to breathing problems. This was on the same day as her mother, my grandmother, was admitted for a surgery tha could have had bad complications. My grandmother was released on friday. She had looked a little worse for wear after the surgery, actually a lot. Well….. my uncle is still in the hospital. He had looked good, now… not so good. My aunt has been in tears several times the last few days. More so today than any other day. The prognosis is not very good.

Though she has not actually said it out loud, in these specific words, today she felt as if she was just sitting in the hospital with him watching him die. It is a very difficult thing to face. It is the circle of life, and all that other mumbo jumbo, and I have definitely put it in a positive perspective multiple times…. but it is still a very difficult thing to face.

I have been dealing with that today. I have been being her rock to hold onto when she feels as if she’s going under. It wears on me. I hide it well, but it wears on me.
Then i had a dentist appointment. We all love those. The end result, yes. The actual process, not so much. Oh, and have i mentioned my issue of being trapped and not in control. Not such a good thing when in the dentist chair. Along with several other very justifiable issues, the dentist is a difficult trip for me.
And then there the rude & inconsiderate people who seem to think I need their issues too. My husband pointed that out to me after the cashier at circle k was… umm…. not so nice. I was very pleasant and polite, her…. not so much. ***I have a theory on that but if I went into it now, this post would take much longer to read than it is already***

Sigh… got sidetracked again.

Its been a rough day, emotionally, but ive made it through worse. Actually, ive made it through this one since i will be in bed soon.
For those of you who have stuck through my rambling, here’s the light at the end of the tunnel (and the end of this post)…..
There are bad days, yes, and life isn’t always fair, but it is still your life. It is still living, breathing, life flowing energy that interacts and connects with others in one way or another. Take the bad day in and make it yours. Ease the pain of another. Shape it into what you want your tomorrow to not be. Breath it in and let it go. Remember and hold onto the positive. The politeness of a stranger when they held the door for you. The smile from a friend. The hug from your lover. The laughter from your child. Take all those small, simple things from your day, no matter how trivial they may seem and add them up. Those simple things are what will make your today better and your tomorrow brighter. They will take the ordinary and make it extraordinary.
Breathe, remember, and feel them. Let them flow through you and into others. Change yourself, change your environment, change the world…. one conscious thought and possitive emotion at a time.

**I’m figuring out the pics a bit. Now I just gotta spend some time figuring out the formating. nothing like a bunched string of words for a post. It’s looks much better when i type it on my Nook first and save it as a draft, but that’s how I made my other mistake, thought that wasn’t such a bad thing. And I’m still working on the tags too. It’s a learning process. I’ll get there… eventually 😉 **

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Filed under My life as I know it, Off on a blogging Adventure!

Really? How hard can it be to get breakfast?

I don’t like coffee. I like the smell of coffee, but i can’t stand the taste of it. Not even a little bit.
A coworker gave me a Starbucks gift card for christmas just this last year and I discovered that they do have one of my beverage staples. Tea. I have also recently discovered that they have a decent breakfast selection. One of my favorites actually, chocolate croissants. The staff has been quite helpful and friendly towards me and I have had one or two offer up suggestions for someone like me who doesn’t like coffee.

They also have wi-fi so since I had an extra hour this morning I figured I would get a tea, chocolate croissant, and maybe work or post on this blog. Easy, right? A nice way to start a saturday morning. Hmm… well…… I guess not.

As I’m looking at the breakfast selection, one of the staff walks up to the counter and waits. His demeanor gives off an  ‘I dont like to wait’  attitude. Oh great, he’s impatient. So I order a chocolate croissant and a hot tea. He asks if there’s anything else, rings it up, and gives me an amount that’s about half of what it should be.
Did you get the chocolate croissant.?

Now he is a little ticked and says he didn’t hear that part. He adds in the breakfast and its now more than I thought, but I don’t think its off by much so I just leave it be. The guy is obviously not too happy with me already so lets just get my stuff and got sit outside. Away from him.
Now, since I don’t like coffee and I don’t know much about it, I havent been to Starbucks much and half of their equipment and menu confuses me. The only reason I have even checked the place out is because I received a gift card for Christmas. He pours me something in a cup (umm… that doesn’t seem right) and puts it on the counter. I asked him what it was and he says coffee (of course I’m sure you could imagine the look on his face when I asked him that question since I was in a coffee place). um, I ordered hot tea.

That helped his mood immensely. He looked as if he wanted to throw the cup. **I have worked retail before, most people have at some point in their lives, and I definitely understand and sympathize with having a bad day, but to glare at someone as if they are the worst person in the world all because you did not clarify that you heard what you heard correctly…. that’s just inconsiderate.** He glares, and huffs, and his posture changes. His headset for some reason gets knocked off his head so he adjusts it forcefully around the back of his neck (he soooo wanted to chuck the thing across the room). I can see the frustration building in him. It’s just emanating off of him in waves. Aside from telling him that what i ordered wasn’t what he made, I am keeping my mouth shut. His frustration and anger are getting the better of me and I start getting antsy and frustrated myself.

He steps away and goes to the case with the muffins, breads, and pastries. He stands there with his head down fiddling with whatever it is he’s got. I look through the glass and see that he is having a bit of trouble with plastic wrap on a plate. Wait a minute…. is that a cookie? Really? I’m not sure though so I decide to wait and see. Plus, he seems really pissed at the plastic wrap and I really do not want to see how pissed he gets if I tell him he is fighting with that plastic wrap for no good reason since that was not what I ordered.

What kind of tea do you want?

Just regular tea.

The 3 other times I have gotten tea, the have always put 2 tea bags in it, and I have learned to ask for a small cup of ice. This time I got 1 bag, and i didn’t even bother to ask for a cup of ice. I picked up the tea, the bag (which did have a cookie in it), walked out heading straight for my vehicle, and left. The guy had me so worked up that I was afraid of what I would say if I did say anything, and I definitely did not want to take the time to relax and enjoy my breakfast in an environment that had me so worked up. By the time I left all I wanted to do was throw the stuff, preferably at that guy behind the counter. I never ate my cookie, which I didn’t want in the first place, and I just finally had my tea (after lunch).

Grr…. sigh…. at least I know where NOT to go next time.


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Filed under My life as I know it

And the madness begins.

I really thought i would get more happy, possitive posts in before delving into the oddity that is me… but i guess not. Such is my life 😉
This post is being entirely done through my phone app which doesnt have spell check. So keep that in mind 😉

Todays subject matter will probably seem grim to most but it is a subject i am quite familiar with. More familiar than i think i should be. It is death.

Probably the best way to explain how i came to this subject today i to start from the begining. It will be brief tho, as i am sure i will go into details of the begining at a later time. They are quite facinating stories all on the own and require posts in their own right, but considering the situation of today i feel it necesary to at least give a basic background.

First off… I have had 4 deaths.
1. Drowned in a pool when i was about 13.
2. Suicide at about the age 15. Ill just leave it at that.
3. Involuntry drug overdose at about the age of 17.
4. Violent crime (carjacking) at the age of 20. Had my throat slit from on side to the other and was left for dead on the side of a road.
The last one of course was the most traumatic. It also changed me. Completely.

Second of all… all of my life i have had encounters with death. I have had dreams, nightmares, and (for lack of a better word) visions. This has happened both before and after a death. I have a feeling it would be a long story if i went into more detail, so i will stop there with that.

Lastly, i tend to be what has been called empathic. I feel, literally, what others are feeling. Comes in handy when someone is lying, not so much when someone is in pain. I’ve also been through just about everything, so in that way i know what someones going through. Between the two of those things alone, things get complicated.

With that said, back to the subject at hand. I know that at times it is a necesary evil. I have watched illness destroy people from the inside out, and when their death finally did come, it was actually a good thing. It is the nature of the beast, it is the never ending cycle, it is the one thing that will happen to every person. Needless to say… i get a little wierd (as a friend of mine puts it) around death. The dreams, the visions, and all the grief gets to be a bit much. I deal with it the best i can. Seperation. Distance. People dont always take what i have to say well and i can tend to be too blunt and honest for most people to take.

Recently too many people have passed away. My husband aunt, my aunt, my coworker, my husband uncle, and my husbands friends wife. Not to mention a driver at my husbands work, an aquantence of mines infant child, and a friends relative. Too much death, too close to home, in too little of time. And i know there has been at least 1 fatality car accident that i have driven by on my way home from work on the last few months. My aunt and my coworker (who i was actually close to at one point) both passed away on the same sunday.

Its just that death seems to be very prominent recently. Ive had arguements & discussion. Other people have mentioned for one reason or another. And then theres my dreams.

Yeah… well… my aunt that i am very close to called me this morning to let me know that her husband is in ICU and that her mother (my grandmother) is having a surgery today and that she is considered high risk. So… its been one of those days. I feel as if i am waiting for the other shoe to drop… again. Sigh….

I will be at the hospital later on. Ot just bothers me and i needed to write. I could continue rambling but thoughts are starting to kinda mush together.


Filed under Just rambling along, My life as I know it